The Regret of Memories
by Kim Kalonice
Summary: *ON HOLD* Rachel and Noah had been friends since each of the them could remember. But remembrance doesn't withhold all relationships.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding Glee. All rights belong to their rightful owners.**

* * *

Seven-year-old Rachel Berry watched the groups of other girls walk by. It seemed like no matter what she did, she couldn't fit in with them. Rachel tried, she really did. But they always made fun of her, even though she already knew that she was different. Any time that she'd ask one of her dads, they would tell her each time, _"It's because you're special, Rachel."_

Normally she wouldn't be watching them, but today's bullying had been particularly bad. It had been going on throughout the entire day to no end. So, like all seven-year-olds, she decided to sit and ask herself what she was doing wrong over and over. It couldn't be that she wasn't good at anything; Rachel prided herself with being considerably talented. Maybe it was her clothes; girls often picked on her because of that. But that was the way that she liked them. She was so wrapped up in her worries that she didn't even realize that someone had sat beside her.

She knew who it was - everyone did. His name was Noah, and he wasn't the type of boy that Rachel wanted to talk to. He had been in her class all year, and he got into trouble almost everyday. Noah did and said things that Rachel would never dare to do. She almost thought that he was about to bully her further.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at her with a confused look.

Rachel returned the confused look right back to him. Why would he want to know? She was very eager to know why. "Why?"

Noah clasped his hands over his knees and sat back against the tree behind him. "You looked sad. Are they being mean to you?"

Surprised that he could guess, she nodded reluctantly. "How did you know?"

"Because I saw them," he said. "It was Johnny, right?"

Rachel became surprised again. Johnny had pulled her hair and tripped her several times today. "Yes. How did you know that, too?"

"Because I _saw them_," Noah repeated like it was clearly obvious. He turned his hazel eyes and gazed across the entire playground. Rachel followed his when they finally stopped. He was looking straight at Johnny and his large group of friends.

"Wait here," he said, rising from his resting place on the tree and running off. Rachel could barely hear the words, because he was already well on his way to the group. The rest of the scene was covered by other groups of children. Just as Rachel began to search for Noah, she quickly jumped back down after she heard her teacher's shrill scream.

"_Noah Puckerman_!" she screeched. The group surrounding quickly broke up, giving Rachel a clear sight of Johnny on the ground and Noah being dragged by the arm by their teacher. Johnny's friends all helped him up, but he soon shrugged off their hands and rubbed his bloodshot eyes; he had started crying. She could hear him scream when he discovered that his nose was bleeding. But she wasn't focused on him. It was almost like nothing had even happened.

It was nothing new to watch Noah get yelled at by teachers, but Rachel carefully paid attention this time. When she asked him why he did it, he simply shrugged. Rachel was a bit taken aback. Noah wasn't going to get her involved. He didn't seem as scared as Rachel knew she would be. He returned to the tree after he was done being chastised.

"Why did you do that, Noah?" Rachel asked, still shocked.

"Because they were being mean. And my friends call me Puck_,"_

"Who are your friends?" Rachel asked curiously. In all the time that she's known him, he never did have friends. Maybe small acquaintances like Rachel had, but nothing like the happy groups that trotted along not acknowledging Noah or Rachel. She figured they were too scared of him.

He seemed to really think about the question. "Hmm, I don't know. You could be my friend." he offered.

Rachel immediately lit up. No one had ever formally asked her to be friends. "I'll be your friend," she hesitated for a moment. "Puck."

The friendship was a strong one, at that. Seeing as neither one of them had any best friends, they became it for each other. Though Rachel kept up her good-girl, straight-A persona, Puck still got into plenty of trouble. A lot of the bullying towards Rachel had even stopped. If it did occur, Puck would take care of it.

The friendship lasted throughout all of their elementary days. It was evident that they were inseparable, but once middle school started, they both found that mouthing off to the teacher and getting into fights was considered _cool. _And that's precisely what Puck became.

Before either of the two knew it, Puck was one of the most popular students to grace the hallways.

As for Rachel, her reputation shadowed that of her past years.

The two began speaking less and less. Rachel knew that it was coming; what with his new group of friends, it was like they had never even met, and Rachel presumed that he didn't even remember her. Though she remembered him.

* * *

_**Nine years later**_

Tenth grade was something that most children daydreamed about, but frankly, it was about to drive Rachel mad. There wasn't one particular point about it that was causing her to be so stressed, it was high-school in general. The tests were too much to study for, the homework piled up much too quickly, and the students were unbearable. But she still kept her grades up and wore her brightest smile everyday.

But the distraction in her science class did almost falter both. It had been five years since she had a class with Noah, and she usually spent the entire class trying to avoid him at all costs. He hadn't changed since elementary, Rachel could tell, but it was much too late to speak to him now. It'd be painfully awkward.

She had thought that her avoiding skills had been perfected, until that fateful day where he decided to take a seat next to her. It resembled that day in second grade very well. His friends sat in their usual places, not taking another look at Noah. Rachel waited for him to say something. It was surely something he had been set up to do. She told herself repeatedly to not trust anything that he said.

"Hey," he said like it was completely normal. Rachel said nothing. Instead, she just stared at him with a questioning look. "You're not going to speak? All right, then."

Rachel thought that he'd leave after that, but he stayed. If it wasn't a prank, then he must have run out of girls to sleep with. But why would he ask Rachel? She was no one.

"I know that you can talk. You kind of do it a lot," he said. Clearly he wasn't going to stop until she said something.

"Uh, hello," she said, though it sounded more like a question than a greeting.

Noah smiled triumphantly. "I knew I could get you to talk," he said. "So, what have you been up to?"

Why was he insisting on making things normal?

"Nothing," Rachel said, still making her words sound like it was a question. In a way, it was. She was expecting the actual prank to happen soon.

"Nothing? There's probably something."

"What are you doing, Noah?" Rachel interrupted.

He looked as though he was anticipating the question. "I'm just trying to reach out," he said. "And it's Puck, by the way."


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: The song choices in this are in no way loyal to the show, I'd just like to add. But tapping into my musical theatre side was so much fun. I don't get to do it often, but I really do adore it.**

* * *

Even with all of the things that Rachel might consider less than adequate, at least she had singing. As a child, she had always possessed the talents that regarded anything and everything about the arts. But as she matured, she realized that singing was her true calling. Even though Broadway required singing, acting, and dancing (Which, admittedly, were all talents that she took pride in).

Rachel took part in every showcase that was ever put on. Currently, she was practicing for the winter showcase, in which she had the largest solo in the entire thing. It wasn't the longest song or even the closing number, but she already knew it would be the most memorable. The song happened to be "Memory" from Cats. Rachel was determined for it to be as classic as Elaine Paige's rendition, as beautiful as Barbra Streisand's rendition, and as tear-jerking as Betty Buckley's 1983 Tony Awards performance.

At sixteen, getting such a tremendous classic was one of the biggest honors available to the performers. Most of the auditions had been of the elder kids, and upon discovering that their solo had been taken by an underclassman, they were most certainly unhappy. But after they heard Rachel sing, the disappointment fled into pure awe. Rachel may not have been the most popular girl in school, but she might as well have been Ohio's primadonna of show choir.

When she practiced in front of the choir, she always performed as if it were the night of the show, which she was praised about constantly. Today when she giddily made her way up to the stage, she made sure to stand perfectly in the way of the spotlight, took a few readying breaths, and dramatically closed her eyes until she heard the piano's introduction. It was the usual routine, of course. She silently counted the first ten notes of the piano. Rachel began as strong as ever singing the first verse. She kept a hint of a smile as she watched her peers watching with admiration; it was all she had ever wanted. Even the seniors who had auditioned got misty-eyed after the song reached its climax.

It seemed like she told the story of the lyrics with her hands, though her voice did that well on its own. Understanding the lyrics came easily to Rachel, but she did have to use her acting skills to create the illusion that she was feeling them. But today was different. She felt the lyrics today. It became harder and harder to sing them as they told her life story. Who was in the back of her mind as she sang was something that she would keep a secret from everyone, including herself.

As the final bridge finished, and she entered the most climatic part of the song, her throat tightened. Noah, no, Puck. It was Puck. It had always been him. He was the one she had been thinking of. Rachel didn't even notice the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes, nor did she know how long they'd been there.

"_Touch me; it's so easy to leave me. All alone with my memories of my days in the sun. If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is. Look, a new day has begun._" Rachel belted the ending, tears streaming free.

As the music faded out, the applause and standing ovations seemed hazy and unfocused, which was strange for Rachel; she always relished in the credit she received. She presumed it was because of the blur from her tears, which she was now fully aware of. The praise she was still receiving as she left. Her expressions of gratitude were short and quiet, seeing as she really just wanted to leave.

The walk home gave her the much-needed quiet that she had been yearning for. Rachel decided that as soon as she got home, she was going to sort out her head and hopefully clear it. The feelings that had suddenly surfaced were surely something that would have arisen a long time ago if they were as important as she seemed to be making it.

She opened her front door and walked in, appreciating the familiar air of the home. Rachel walked into the kitchen and laid down her bag on a nearby counter. With her dads still at work, Rachel used the time alone to begin sorting out her thoughts. The first was, of course, Noah. After all of these years, she figured he shouldn't have even mattered anymore. But all it had took was a few simple words, and she was suddenly interested again. Not that she had been _interested _in that way before. She wasn't even interested in that way now. Friendship must have been the thing that her mind had been yearning for. But whatever Noah was after, Rachel wasn't sure that she wanted to be apart of it.

* * *

The rest of the day dragged on relentlessly. Rachel usually preserved her voice before a performance, and she used it to her advantage today. She honestly just didn't feel like speaking. Announcing that she was going to her room, Rachel rose and went up the stairs. She let out a long exhale as she went up the stairs. Instead of going to bed, she already knew that she was due for a long night of thinking. It didn't happen often. Usually she always knew what to make of her thoughts; it was one of the things that she liked about herself.

But when she opened the door to her room, a sight was there that only worsened the idea of not sleeping that night. It was true that Noah knew where she lived because of their friendly past, but she had never expected this. He was sitting in her windowsill, and she couldn't quite wrap her mind around any of it.

"What the hell?" she heard herself say, not realizing she could speak.

He looked up as if it were the most normal thing he had ever done. "What? I've crawled through your window before,"

"Maybe when you were ten. Honestly, what is going on with you?"

Noah seemed to ponder the thought. He simply shrugged. "I'm just trying to be nice."

Rachel wanted to believe it, and it probably was partially true, but she couldn't help but think that there was more to the story. And whatever that other part might be was something that she wasn't going to delve into. She sat on the edge on the bed only to prove that she wasn't intimidated by him, though her heart was beating ridiculously fast.

"Well, breaking into someone's house and bedroom isn't considerably nice," she said with a hint of amusement.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked, causing Rachel to giggle a bit. It surprised her. Noah hadn't made her smile in a long time.

"At least tell me why you've waited so long to reach out again," Rachel said after a small interval of silence.

"You looked lonely, and I decided it was my fault," he explained quickly. The explanation still left Rachel with many questions, but she didn't press on. It gave her feeling that if she did, things would only get back to the awkwardness that they had nearly escaped from. Or the awkwardness that Rachel thought they'd escaped, at least.

"Actually talk to me," he said, breaking Rachel out of her thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Complain about your day, brag about how amazing you are, tell me about your plans for the future. You know, just like you used to. Let's just go back to the way we used to be."

Rachel was taken aback by the odd request, but she obliged. She talked and he replied. And it was the best she had felt in a long time.


End file.
